Living the Fictional Dream

Poor little girl! She had to come with Mommy to the write-in last night. Poor Hubby was supposd to keep her, but he was not feeling well at all. I tried to find sitters, but to no avail. So, with me she came.

Bundled up in a car seat — not her favorite thing. Normally, she falls asleep in the car, but this time, not so much. She dozed on and off long enough for me to have dinner with Steph and Dauna and have some writing-type discussions (my favorite was a writing topic related to meatloaf… but I think you had to be there).

Then, just as I got out my laptop to, I’d hoped, finally finish revising the flash piece that my writing group critted for me back in August, I heard fussing. The baby wanted her own dinner (or is that second dinner, since she’d eaten less than 3 hours before?). For the first time since she was born, Mommy realized she’d forgotten to pack the bottle in the diaper bag. Luckily, home is only a 5 minute drive from the restaurant where we’d set up shop. Sadly, that meant I had to leave, writing undone.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my baby girl very much, and I will give up whatever I need to so that I can give her what she needs. But, selfishly, doing so last night was really hard.

When the baby first came along, it was full immersion and totally overwhelming. There was so much to do with the baby and she was so new that I didn’t want to do anything else but be with her. And it took a while to get used to having her, especially since she didn’t come home from the NICU for 3.5 weeks (she was a preemie).

These days, while the addition of the full-time job makes things more complicated, the baby care is getting more routine. Taking two or three hours off a couple of evenings a month seems a lot more doable than it did when she was so new and fragile.

Now, I’m really starting to miss writing. My fingers ache for the keyboard, and plot bunnies and characters are nibbling at my brain. Too bad there is never any time to give them attention!

Last night, I was so desperate, I tried to do some writing during my 4 a.m. pumping session (thanks to her time in the NICU, our little one spurns the breast, which means there are both pumping and feeding steps to do multiple times a day). Sadly, writing when I’m sleep deprived and dealing with baby care is not my best work.

Here’s hoping that next time (which will be the writing group’s NaNo planning meeting and kick-off party), babysitters will come through and I can have a tad of uninterrupted me time. I think my muse might rejoice if it happens… assuming she doesn’t leave me for more active environs in the mean time.