Living the Fictional Dream

When I was a teen, I really loved the movie Pump up the Volume. My mom actually asked me once what it was I liked about the movie. I don’t remember what I said at the time… nothing noteworthy, apparently! Definitely nothing memorable. I remember struggling to put what I liked about the movie into words, and failing.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a movie about a boy named Mark (Christian Slater) who starts broadcasting a pirate radio show and uses the show to right wrongs perpetrated by his evil high school principal. And there’s a girl, too (Samatha Mathis… the first thing I saw her in, before the country music movie with River Phoenix).

A couple of weeks ago, my friends and I were talking about Christian Slater. I don’t remember why now… maybe we were discussing the weird premise for his new TV show. Anyway, someone in the group made this disparaging remark about Pump up the Volume, and I was a little taken aback because I remembered liking it so well. (Though, to be fair, maybe it was just diss Christian Slater night… Heathers also took some shots.)

Then, tonight, I found myself awake at 2 a.m., and what happened to be playing on HBO? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

It had been a long time since I actually watched Pump up the Volume, so I watched it again. It was different viewing the film through adult eyes. I wasn’t a particularly angsty teen, but having angst is just part and parcel of the whole teen experience. The angst is always going to be there. I count myself lucky that my angst was focused more on fights with friends and that sort of thing, than some of the difficult issues faced by the teens in this movie — teen pregnancy, suicide, hopelessness.

Watching the movie as an adult, I wanted to talk to all those teenagers who didn’t know what to do with all those amped up teenaged emotions and tell them that if they could just get through it, things would work out. The stuff that seems so crazy important when you’re a teenager — things like where to sit in the lunch room, what to do when your friend stabs you in the back, overwhelming homework, parents you feel don’t understand you — it’s not the end of the world. Once you have some perspective (and have gotten through those crazy hormones), you realize that.

Of course, part of being a teen, they probably won’t believe you.

However, though I’m long through with that teen angst phase, I still found myself enjoying the movie, and rooting Mark and Nora on in their battle against the FCC. So, I asked myself why. Why does this particular movie still resonate with me?

And I figured it out.

Mark is a shy kid. He walks through the school day with his head down, unable to break through his own shell and talk to the kids in his new school, or talk to girls, or make friends. But, what he can’t do in person, he does through the radio. When he’s talking to the faceless void out there, Mark just can’t seem to shut up! And while some of the things he broadcasts are stupid fart noises and curse words, he shares part of himself, as well. He talks about his pain, and he does his best to help others through theirs. And he makes the administration face some cold hard facts.

The story of Mark speaks to me on a personal level. I’ve always been shy and introverted. I wasn’t as bad as Mark, but I did my time in high school of walking with my head down. Luckily, I didn’t have to eat lunch alone (not even those two years that my best friend’s band class meant she and I had separate lunch periods).

Mark found his voice through the radio. I found my voice through writing. I’m not as shy as I used to be, but talking, especially in a large group situation or with people I don’t know that well, is a challenge for me. But, when I write, I don’t have that problem. I can talk about anything. My voice gets out there in the world through my stories, my blog, and my writing in general.

There is a power in finding your voice, and I think that’s something that all kids struggle with. It’s another part of that whole growing up/coming of age thing, but it’s also something you continue with your whole life. Every time I write from a new character’s point of view, I’m finding a new way to express myself. And that’s why Mark’s story in Pump up the Volume still resonates with me, fifteen years later.

From a writing perspective, it would be awesome to create a character that resonates with someone else the way Mark (and other characters I’ve met in my reading and viewing life) have done for me. I don’t think I’ve made it there yet, but maybe someday…